Understanding Emotions

Many things can influence how intensely we experience emotions and how we respond to them, including:

• Stress and feeling overwhelmed
• Lack of sleep or exhaustion
• Relationship conflict
• Grief and loss
• Trauma or difficult experiences
• Anxiety or depression
• Alcohol or substance use
• Physical health
• Feeling threatened, rejected or criticised
• Difficulties communicating needs
• Long-standing patterns of suppressing emotions
• Learned responses from family or previous relationships
• Feeling ashamed of particular emotions
• Having few opportunities to talk openly about how you feel

Sometimes the difficulty is not the emotion itself but what happens when we judge ourselves for having it.

You might notice:

• Finding it difficult to identify what you’re feeling
• Feeling emotionally overwhelmed
• Reacting strongly and regretting it later
• Shutting down during difficult situations
• Avoiding conversations about emotions
• Feeling numb or disconnected
• Becoming irritated without understanding why
• Keeping everything inside until it eventually comes out
• Using alcohol, work, screens or other behaviours to avoid feelings
• Feeling uncomfortable when other people become emotional
• Struggling to communicate what you need
• Frequently saying you’re fine when you’re not
• Judging yourself for feeling sad, anxious, angry or vulnerable
• Feeling that emotions are something you should be able to control completely

Emotional awareness is a skill that can develop. You don’t need to already have the language for what you’re experiencing before coming to therapy.

Therapy can provide a place to slow things down and become more curious about your emotional experiences.

Together, we can look at what you’re feeling, what may be happening around it and how you tend to respond.

Therapy may help you to:

• Better recognise and name emotions
• Notice physical signs associated with emotions
• Understand triggers and patterns
• Explore what particular emotions may be responding to
• Distinguish feelings from assumptions and actions
• Become more comfortable with difficult emotions
• Develop ways of regulating strong emotional responses
• Communicate emotions and needs more clearly
• Understand patterns of shutting down or avoiding feelings
• Respond rather than automatically react
• Develop greater tolerance for uncertainty and discomfort
• Understand yourself with greater clarity

The goal is not to feel good all the time.

Difficult emotions are part of life.

The work can be about developing a healthier relationship with them and more choice in what happens next.

Emotional awareness can begin with noticing rather than immediately trying to change what you’re feeling.

• Ask what you’re feeling. Try to move beyond “good”, “bad” or “fine” and be more specific.
• Notice your body. Pay attention to tension, breathing, restlessness or other physical changes.
• Ask what happened beforehand. Consider what was happening when the emotion appeared.
• Separate feeling from action. Remind yourself that experiencing an emotion does not require you to immediately act on it.
• Try not to judge the emotion. Start with noticing that it is there.
• Write it down. Sometimes putting an experience into words can make it easier to understand.
• Give yourself time before responding. Strong emotions can change in intensity.
• Talk to someone. Putting an emotion into words with someone you trust can sometimes help you understand it.

Understanding emotions is not about becoming overly focused on feelings or analysing everything you experience.

It can be about developing greater awareness of yourself so that emotions provide information without automatically determining your behaviour.

I offer practical, person-centred counselling and psychotherapy that can help you better understand your emotions, recognise patterns and develop different ways of responding when things become difficult.

If you think talking to someone could help, you can learn more about my approach or get in touch to arrange a session.